13 funnies and jokes for property professionals

How many surveyors does it take to change a lightbulb? Being a property expert is no laughing matter. A huge amount of responsibility rests on the expertise of property professionals to get it right, whether they’re carrying out a Homebuyers’ Report or Structural Survey as part of a property transaction or have been asked to provide a professional property valuation for tax or insurance purposes.

But sometimes, even straight-laced surveyors, hard-nosed estate agents and ambitious architects need to laugh at themselves.

Here are a few funnies to inject a bit of light heartedness into your coffee break.

Q: What did the woodworm say when he went to the pub?
A: Is the bar tender here?

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realises he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The man below says: “You’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field between 40 and 41 degrees latitude and 120 and 124 degrees west longitude.”

“You must be an architect,” says the balloonist.

“I am,” comes the reply. “How did you know?”

“Well,” says the balloonist, “everything you have told me is technically correct, but it’s of absolutely no use to me and I still don’t know where I am.”

The man below says: “And you must be a building contractor.”

“Well yes,” replies the balloonist, “but how did you know?”

The architect says: “You don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You’ve made a promise that you can’t keep, but now you expect me to solve your problem. You’re in the same position as you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.”

 

Q: How many building surveyors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, because they couldn’t see the value.

 

A window salesman phones a customer….

“Hello, Mr Brown,” says the sales rep, “I’m calling because our company replaced all the windows in your house with our triple-glazed weather-tight windows over a year ago, and you still haven’t sent us a single payment.”

The customer replies: “But you said they’d pay for themselves in 12 months.”

 

Q: What did the therapist say to the property surveyor?
A: You’ve gotta get some boundaries!

 

Q: How many estate agents does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None! The lightbulb is in excellent working order and comprised of a beautiful retro teardrop illuminator, offering original glass and metal features and located very centrally in the middle of the room. Local amenities abound and the property is serviced by a newly refurbished power cord connecting it to the ceiling. Nearby is a tasteful power switch to enable the purchaser to switch it on and off. Leasehold with share of power supply with lovingly improved wattage by the current owners. Would suit professional couple or family looking for more light.

 

Q: When is a one-storey house a two-storey house?
A: You get one story before you buy and the second story after.

 

Q: How many planning officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Six! Four to write an extensive study recommending a three-way 100/200/250 watt lightbulb, one to write a newspaper press release praising the study, and one to put in a 10 watt bulb instead.

 

My friend told me how electricity is measured and I was like Watt!

 

Q: How many surveyors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Did you have a figure in mind?

 

Q: How many safety inspectors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Four. One to change it and three to hold the ladder.

 

Q: How many quality managers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: We’ve formed a quality circle to study the problem of why lightbulbs burn out and to determine the best thing we as managers can do to enable lightbulbs to work smarter, not harder.

 

Q: How many estate agents does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Ten! One to hold the bulb, seven to turn the room around the bulb, one to take a picture for the brochure and one to charge you 1.5% commission to cover costs.

 

This article was provided by Sara Bryant, independent content writer for Silk Sharples Jennings Chartered Surveyors.